PugSpeak Pug Trek
Space...the final frontier. These are the voyages of the pug ship, Carlino (NCC-1701-P). Their mission...to explore strange new pug worlds, seek out food and females in new civilizations and dimensions, and to boldly go where no pug has gone before!
Captain's Log, Stardate 011510.73. The crew of the USS Carlino received a distress call from an m-class planet in the Beta Quadrant, 1.2 light years from the neutral zone. After relieving himself on the bridge, (which prompted a yellow alert) Lt. Ian Sulu opened a hailing frequency to ascertain the source of the distress signal: This is USS Carlino...what is the nature of your distress?
This is the leader of the planet, Pugtonomous Bay in the Gamma Hydrant sector. We've been on an scientific expedition when we received a distress call and touched down on this planetoid. Our people have been marooned for several minutes and are running out of food and treats. We believe a renegade Catorian beamed aboard and pirated our dilithium crystals. Without the crystals, we cannot resume our exploration.
Captain Mackenzie Tiberius Kirk swiveled comfortably in his chair and took the con: This is Captain Kirk of the pug ship Carlino. We are transporting pizza to your location. While you're regaining your strength, I'll open a dialog with the Catorians and negotiate the release of your dilithium crystals. Kirk out.
All hands, this is Captain Kirk. We are in search of a renegade Catorian vessel with stolen dilithium crystals aboard. This is yellow alert. Kirk out.
Science Officer Trevor Spock turned to the Captain: We are not receiving a signal from the renegade vessel, so we can wisely assume she's cloaked and rigged for silent running. Captain Kirk's expression was one of puzzlement. Do the Catorians possess that kind of technology, Mr. Spock?
It would be pure arrogance on our part to assume the Catorians are less advanced than Pugs. It would appear their freighter has cloaking abilities, but only if matter/anti-matter warp core is functioning. My best guess is that something precipitated a dilithium drain, thus explaining the Catorians hijacking the crystals.
Captain Kirk was still assimilating Mr. Spock's theory and continued with questions: Mr. Spock, I thought the Catorians were a amicable species, simply searching for new litter box quadrants.
You would be correct, Captain. But this is not the first time we've encountered a rogue Catorian. Mr. Sulu, since we cannot see the Catorian vessel, please scan for electromagnetic plasma emissions. Lt. Sulu began scanning. Aye, Mr. Spock.
Mr. Sulu discovered a distortion while scanning and locked on to the target. Captain, I believe we've found the Catorian vessel.
Ensign McLeod, anti-marking shields up. Ensign McLeod raised the ship's shields. Aye, Captain.
Captain Kirk then turned to Lt. Connor: Open a hailing frequency to these coordinates - 12.3 mark.
'Catorian Vessel, this is Captain Kirk of the pug ship, Carlino. We have reason to believe you're in possession of pirated dilithium crystals. On behalf of the Pugs of Pugtonomous Bay, we ask that you return them.'
This is the Catorian leader. What you ask is not possible - we do not have the technology to re-synthesise our drained dilithium.
Captain Kirk tapped his communicator: Engineering...what would it take to infuse new matter/anti matter into the Catorians' dilithium core chamber?
Lt. McScotty of Engineering scratched himself with his hind leg and pointed out: Captain, remember we had this problem in Pug Trek IV and had to go aboard a 20th century nuclear vessel to collect photons. I believe I can create a 23rd century solution for these rascal Catorians.
Captain Kirk grinned - Scotty, I knew I could count on you. Kirk out. Lt. McScotty scratched his ear and shook his head. Aye, Captain. And if my grandmother had wheels, she would be a wagon. Thy will be done.
Just then, Medical Officer Rawhide appeared on the bridge. His long time colleague and friend, Captain Kirk, affectionately called him Bones.
Bones, what seems to be the problem? Bones sniffed the perimeter of the bridge, then straightened. Our marooned pugs ate the transported pizza too fast and are all complaining of belly aches. We just beamed down a crate of antacid.
Captain Kirk chuckled. Pugs will be pugs. Mr. Spock, it looks like Lt. McScotty has a solution for the Catorians. Hopefully, we can negotiate the release of the dilithium. Mr. Spock regarded this notion, then replied: The Catorian race has always been regarded as a race of listeners - I think they will see their error in judgement and return the crystals.
Bones got his hackles up on this one: My God, pug! You green blooded Vulcan pug! Everyone knows the Catorians don't listen, they either stare out the window, scratch up the furniture, or sleep all day!
Mr. Spock arched one eyebrow and countered: Just as acceleration is not always a constant, the universe is ever-changing. Perhaps it is time to re-think our prejudiced attitudes regarding the Catorians. Kirk interjected before the discussion between his two oldest friends escalated. Gentleman, we are always prepared to give life a fighting chance. Here's our chance to give the Catorians the benefit of the doubt, save the marooned pugs and their indigestion, and have a happy ending.
Captain, McScotty here. Kirk tapped his communicator. Talk to me Scotty.
I have a collector ready to infuse the Catorian's core chamber with synthesised dilithium. And on another note, these old Klingon food packs are giving me a sour tummy!
Good work, Scotty. Go take a antacid and give me one-quarter impulse power. Kirk out.
Kirk tapped his communicator once more. This is Kirk of the pug ship, Carlino. We have a containment of synthesised dilithium we are ready to beam over - if you agree to return the Pugs' dilithium crystals. The last thing we need is another Kobioshi Maru scenario. We ask you to cooperate.
After a few seconds, the Catorian leader replied. We have just transported the crystals to the marooned Pugs and are awaiting transport of your collector. Thank you, Kirk. We wish to extend an invitation to your crew and the Pug crew on the planetoid. Come back to our home planet, Catoria, for a few days of rest. We'll sit and look out over the great barrier litter box and drink Catorian Ale.
Kirk agreed and Bones wrinkled his nose and snorted. That won't smell too pretty! And I don't even want to know what's in Catorian Ale! Mr. Spock raised one eyebrow and everyone chuckled. Smiling, Kirk mused as if he were thinking out loud - It's been a while since I've cut a rug with a female feline fatale. Bones rolled his eyes upward as Kirk directed: Take us out, Mr. Sulu.
Dedicated to C.K. Dexter Haven and Gene Roddenberry